Gateway Mechanism

Numerous experiences have finally confirmed a theory had about the science of emotional pain. Or any kind of pain, for that matter. But I say emotional pain because it’s usually harder to handle, more often than not mishandled. Before I go into the matter I would like to give you the disclaimer that I am no expert on the topic, I have no higher, more credible authority or research to back up my claims. The fact this post is on a blog should already do that non-verbally.

Secondly, this may only apply to me, but instinct tells me that it’s more human than person-specific and a majority of people will identify with it.

Thirdly…ok ok, I’ll cut to the chase.

So recently, there has been a lingering issue in my life which doesn’t seem to dissolve. Unfortunately it has put me under inconsistent, unpredictable, emotional duress. The situation is a consequence of my own undoing but that doesn’t make for a great pep-talk. However this has given me an opportunity to analyze the ways people try to eliminate pain, by both observation and personal experience.

Temporary Distractions

-Hanging out with friends, talking things out.

-Being with family, talking things out.

-Sleeping too much/sleeping too little(too extreme- insomnia/depression?)

-Doing something safe and fun like bowling or boardgames or playing cards.

-Watching sitcoms or any tv series, getting hypnotized into connecting with fictional characters. May get addicted

Effectiveness- Mild short term relief, useless in the long term. 4/10

Health- Either neutral or slightly positive impact on physical and mental health. 3/10

Danger zone- None

Substance Abuse

- Alcohol, numbing out feelings by getting wasted.

- Weed, heroin, the works; forgetting everything by getting high.

- Anti-depressants and painkillers

-Binging on food/ starving oneself

-Self-injury

Effectiveness- Excellent short term relief, destructive in the long term. 6/10

Health- Heavily detrimental to both mental and physical health.  -5/10

Danger zone- Long term addiction

Extreme Measures

-Extreme Sports

-Working out heavily

Effectiveness- Great short term relief. Ineffective in the long term 5/10

Health- Improves physical health, may be taxing on mental health 7/10

Danger zone- in case of extreme sports, you may die.

The Epiphany:

After 4 months, I’ve found what I think is the most efficient solution.

The Gateway Mechanism.

The brain focuses on the greatest source of pain or pleasure, whichever is stronger, one source at a time. It’s harder to control the mysterious worlds inside of us than the reality outside our minds. This is why self-injury is such a great way to make the brain get completely distracted. But it is also the most wasted and short-lived application of the gateway mechanism.

The most common reasons for emotional pain are heartbreak, torn friendships or the death of a loved one(varying degrees, of course). All these occurrences are beyond our control, most of the time they happen despite our best efforts to fix them. But there are things that matter to us just as much, which are in our control. Like our career, our passions, our families or anything else. If we can channel our energies to solve the problems which are in our scope, the happiness we obtain will eventually overshadow the pain. We can’t force our emotions out in a rush, they need to be held by the hand and walked out the door gently. Till then, reshuffling our priorities and defining our new goals lead to a great start towards a bright horizon.

By Randall Munroe, http://xkcd.com/52/

P.S.- If you have a different and more effective trick up your sleeve that works wonders for you, please do share it with me in the comments. Even if you have a different degree of impact or disagreement when it comes to the many methods I mentioned, I would love to see your point of view

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Milestone

I hit year #20 today, June 3rd 2011. It takes a lone birthday to remind you the practical reasons of this event’s existence. For some of us who spend this day no different than any other, birthdays are a mere calibration on the thermometer of life. But since life is sacred, the birth of a living, kicking being is in itself a joyous occasion. So society has taken this concept and turned it into a yearly festival revolving around ourselves, with friends, family, good food, new clothes and gifts to make it as grand as we think it deserves to be.

But as we get older, birthdays turn into an yearly phenomenon of a rock hitting us on the head, reminding as that we have in fact reached the deadline we set for ourselves and (more often than not) fulfilled less than half the goals we set for ourselves. The clock is ticking and our time’s running out. After evaluating our achievements we wonder, are we living our dream life? Where are we heading? Is it a promised paradise, or are we going in circles around the phoenix or false hope, burning ablaze each night and returning to life the next morning?

I may be 20, but the child inside me, at the peak of maturity, hits 18. Always 2 years behind at any given physical age. For example, next year I’m moving into an apartment. When I was signing the lease, this is close to how the wheels in my head were turning:

(by Randall Munroe, http://xkcd.com/616/)

So now is a good time to make real changes in my life so I dont have to face the meteorite-birthday phenomenon for good….next year, hopefully this day will bring a cool refreshing splash of realization that I’m exactly who I want to be, I’m exactly where I want to be. Then again, hope is for sissies.

Cheers.

Gussa Management.

‘Gussa’ is Hindi for anger. Today I got into a fight with two important people in my life. What accelerates anger? Stress, hunger, sleep deprivation, level of emotional sensitivity? The way people express it is the bigger issue. The biggest issue is, how do you deal with people who get angry easily? I can safely say I’m a pretty calm person when it comes to anger. Its not like it takes a lot to make me angry, it doesn’t. But I can control it to an Olympic extent. Sometimes I get passive aggressive, but the best way to deal with it I think is to talk about it when you cool down. There are a zillion ways to cool down. Not a big issue.

Mastering the art of dealing with people who cannot control anger is a whole different ballgame. First stage is when you’re just plain surprised speechless at the outburst, usually when you don’t see it coming(or sometimes, even when you do). Second stage is when you wonder if the anger is justified or if you were right in saying what you did. Third stage is when you’re provoked to a point where you either fight back, or ignore the continued attacks, or walk out of the room, or listen quietly despite the internal plasma building up. That is how it goes down in my case. I try to avoid conflict.

What I haven’t figured out is how to take the most damage-preventing route from stage 2 to stage 3. It hugely depends on the relationship with the person you fight with, the reason, not so much.  Friends, colleagues, parents, siblings, bosses, teachers, strangers. I cannot deny that there is a certain satisfaction in fighting back, which the most sand-filled punching bag or the most soothing music cannot provide. But what if the relationship is not strong enough to withstand the fight? In that moment you need to make the decision whether you’re willing to take the risk and fight, or if you think getting hurt and shutting up is worth it. I don’t have many friends with whom the fight has made our friendship ‘stronger’.

I cant think of an appropriate way to end this blog, because the problem has not been solved. I think the picture below will suffice.

Lazy Summers

Its 1:30am in the morning and I’ve finally convinced myself to do something productive this summer. If you knew me, you would realize the importance of this moment. You see, Summer is my favourite season of the year not only for the fantastic weather but also for the inevitable wave of hazy, numbing, desperate laziness that accompanies it. This may be aggravated by the fact that I’m home, and home for me happens to be a generic apartment flat in the dulling calm of a city suburb. Home also happens to be a place where I have a lovely home theatre that is on almost all day and has decreased the productivity of the residents by a possible 50%, it wasn’t that high to begin with. Ah, the boons and banes of technology.

My brother is awake too, both of us are habitual night-owls. I’m not sure if we were born that way but if not, we’ve certainly tuned ourselves upside down through the years.

So my official summer break began exactly a week ago, it kicked off well. A cousin re-union on Saturday followed by a trip to downtown in a subway(on my own!) was definitely more than I ever expected from any vacation. After that my sluggish side got more than the better of me and I’ve been lying in a vegetative state at home ever since. All the pounds I put on eating dorm food better get used to their new environment, I’m not making any effort to get rid of them soon. Mom seems to be very bothered about it. I’m healthy-fat, mother! Not even close to being over-weight!

Speaking of weight, its a lose-lose situation with us-women. Its not the weight as much as the figure. If we’re thin, we’re warned about anorexia. If we’re slim, we’re still “out of shape” and exercise always does more harm than good. Once one tiny harmless extra pound becomes visible, all hell breaks loose. Admittedly, I doubt if many identify with my situation. Point is, theres no winning with you, people!

Anyway I’m glad I finally launched my blog after all these years of planning to. This first inaugurating post will be followed by many more to come.